


Roombas are Weird

by lilolilyrae



Series: The 666 Words Ineffable Husbands Series [25]
Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Crowley Loves Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley's roomba, Don't copy to another site, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Crowley, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Roombas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-06-27 09:35:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19788166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilolilyrae/pseuds/lilolilyrae
Summary: Crowley has a roomba. The roomba is sentient. Kinda.





	Roombas are Weird

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a tumblr post (link in the end notes, if you click it that's spoilers for the story!)

Crowley can't say that it was him who had the idea for dust eating robots, the humans came up with that all on their own. But given that he has always approved of sloth, he can say he really does like the idea of a little robot doing house chores.

Dust has annoyed him since its invention. While Crowley can of course miracle it away, there's just so _much_ of it in so many places, and he can't control a grimace whenever he sees a dusty spot in a corner of a room.

So a while after the almost-apocalypse, Crowley gets a roomba for his flat.

He calls the roomba 'Roomba', much like Adam called his dog 'Dog', perhaps thinks is just a tiny little bit funny. Or really hilarious. And it is good that he gave it a name, as, like everything that stays around him for any prolonged period of time, from plants to Bently, the little machine also starts getting sentient quite soon. 

Crowley first notices it when Aziraphale is there- the machine almost makes a putting noise when driving around the angel. Crowley grins, satisfied. Everything of his should approve of the angel. Except maybe the plants, they do so way too much and are barely afraid of him anymore...

  
The next time Crowley notices the roomba's sentiend-ness is when one day, Crowley walks through his flat, unsuspecting of evil (well, at least not more than ususl) and with a plant that had been 'naughty' in his hand, and he will move it to the shredder, set it next to it, turn the thing on and when the plant is at its most afraid move it out into the sun.

Before he even reaches the other room, Crowley feels a sudden pain in his ankle- the roomba _hit_ him! The blessed thing is supposed to see when something, or someone, is in front of it! Is it broken already? No, Crowley firmly believes that it _isn't_ \- he gives roomba a sharp look- so it can't be. 

When he comes back from Aziraphale's bookshop a while later, the roomba is on his best behavior, and Crowley soon stops thinking about the entire thing.

About a month later, he is reminded of the incident in the most awful way.

He is alone, sitting on the floor of the apartment and drinking whiskey straight from the bottle. He doesn't even _like_ whiskey. It was the most alcohol he had been able to find in the flat.

Why, do you ask? Oh, Crowley has a lot of reasons, and none really explains what came over him just this instance- It just all hits him again, from time to time, all the misery of the world.

As he's taking another swig from the bottle, wallowing in his misery, the roomba bumps into him. And it is _not_ a gentle bump.

"Oh yes, come onnn! Hit me when I'm already down! Fucking thing" but he can't bring himself the off the roomba. Aziraphale likes it, for starters. So he just turns the thing around to wheel off into the other direction and continues drinking himself into oblivion.

Some other day, Crowley is opening the door to find Aziraphale at the doorstep, bags of groceries in hand- and another man, a neighbor who has helped the angel carry up the purchases... Crowley narrows his eyes at him. That guy better not be having any... _intentions_ towards his angel. 

A split second later, Roomba wheezes out the door, actually making the guy trip.

Now, Crowley has an inkling of an idea as to why the roomba is acting the way it does. Oh someone, what does that mean for his mental health? 

Well, best not think about it.

And if Roomba hits Crowley less and less the more time he spends around Aziraphale, being told how kind, loveable and _loved_ he is, well, their relationship has always been Ineffable, after all.

And the rest, or so they say, is history. 

**Author's Note:**

> 13.07.2019  
> [For some reason, I'd found this post in the _humans are weird_ tag, that's also how I came up with the name to this story xD the plot is heavily inspired by sensicalabsurdities second idea: angst.](https://lilolilyrae.tumblr.com/post/186256630161/garrettauthor-sensicalabsurdities)
> 
> Ok no I know the reason. The reason's name is stabby and I love it.  
> 
> 
> Should I write more for this trope? :D
> 
>  **Update:** the Roomba's POV is [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19817908)!  
> 
> 
> DONT BOOKMARK the fic, bookmark the series or LEAVE A COMMENT INSTEAD I'm sticking to the 666 words theme so there won't be any new chapters, just new parts!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Occult and Devine](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19817908) by [lilolilyrae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilolilyrae/pseuds/lilolilyrae)




End file.
